I was immediately admitted and treatment began at once. My parents did some research and looked into different hospitals, but after speaking to family, friends and doctors, they decided they would feel most confident if I were to continue treatment at Memorial Sloan-Kettering, administered by Dr. Peter Steinherz.
Initially, it was decided that with chemotherapy, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant, my prognosis would be best, and so my siblings immediately went in for blood work to see if a donor match was available for me. Fortunately, my 14-year-old brother was a perfect match. After seven months of chemo, several infections, weeks of diarrhea, multiple surgeries, and a week of radiation, I was ready to face my BMT (bone marrow transplant), and to meet Dr. Boulad.
After my first admission to the hospital, I was very concerned about my hair. I thought I would be scared to see myself in the mirror, or even to touch my bald head. Strangely, when it did finally happen, it was much less traumatic than I thought it would be. And as my treatments continued, as I was forced to deal with realities and consequences far more devastating than the mere transient loss of my hair, it became less and less important.
Occasionally I shared a room with other pediatric patients. I remember one young girl who lay in bed all day, all night, all alone. It was so sad and made me appreciate that my family was always there for me. In fact, my mother never left my side. Every night she opened the blue recliner beside my bed and closed her eyes, and every morning she was there when I opened mine. My father never missed a weekend when I was in the hospital, which strongly outnumbered the weekends spent at home. My grandmother, siblings and friends visited, called, wrote, and prayed, all of which meant so much to me.
During my seven long weeks in the hospital, I waited anxiously each day for my white cell and platelet counts -- both signs that the transplant was successful and that new, disease-free blood cells were being produced by the transplanted bone marrow -- to get going. I was devastated when they appeared to be sitting comfortably on zero, and it didn't seem like they were planning on going anywhere too soon. The day the white counts went from zero to one and then to two was a joyous occasion, and I couldn't wait to get home.
After weeks of physical therapy, when I was able to walk up the three steps in front of the entrance of our home alone -- of course, all the while holding on dearly to the railing -- I felt I was getting stronger and more independent. And in time, after various temporary set-backs and complications, from open-heart surgery and meningitis to occasional skin infections and pneumonia, my life has been returned to me.
As unfortunate as it is to have had this illness befall me, I feel fortunate to have been under the care of a doctor so respected as Dr. Boulad. The nurses who did everything for me from stopping nose bleeds and finding veins from nowhere to jumping in the shower with me to help me bathe, were irreplaceable and were my best friends during my illness. I will always remember their sincere devotion to their work, and I will be forever grateful to them for doing whatever they possibly could do to help ease my suffering.
I was a youth in the prime of my life when I was introduced to cancer. I am presently a married woman, who lives with the memories it brought me. After living with cancer my life can never be the same. I am very fortunate to have my husband, also a BMT recipient, who can understand me and my past, not simply by being understanding, but from having lived my nightmare himself, in his own way, with his own cancer.
After living in South Africa for the first three years of my marriage, where I gradually regained my strength, I came back stronger and am concentrating on a small antique business while working part time. And I always look forward to my well check-ups with Dr. Boulad and company, my dear friends. Although my heart goes out to the newcomers in the waiting room, just beginning their own journey.
After coming through this long, dark tunnel, I now know that after fighting for my life and surviving, after battling with cancer and winning, I can live. I can do anything.
